The Legend of Link
by Carannilion
Summary: it's a story about Link, on andventure to save princess Zelda. but, this is supposed to be a parody, humorous thingy. I take a bit from this game, and a bit from that, add a bit of humour, and we'll see how it ends. this is only the first part.


It was night in Hyrule. Link was asleep in his bed. Link was, by the way, a young boy about the age of fourteen. He was blonde, and loved green dresses, for some reason. Well, he _called _them tunics, but anyone with eyes in their head could see clearly that they were dresses. He also liked to wear tights under his dress/tunic...

Anyway, Link was a fairly normal hyrulian fourteen year old boy, by some strange standards. His hair blonde, and his eyes blue. He currently shared a house with his uncle, since his parents had died when he was young. His uncle lay snoring on a couple of chairs put seat to seat. There was only one bed in the house they shared, and tonight, Link used it.

Suddenly, a light appeared in the darkness at the side of Link's bed. A shape formed, and a beautiful young woman stood there beside his bed. "Link," she said. "Link, wake up."

Link shot up in sitting position and stared at the wall beyond the foot of his bed. "Wuzzat?" he said.

"Link," tried the young woman again.

"Ah? Oh no! I'm hearing voices again!"

"Look beside you, Link," she was a bit irritated at this point.

Link looked beside the bed, and saw Her. She was, as mentioned, a beautiful young woman, long blonde hair spilling down her shoulders. She was wearing a dress marked with the Hyrule royal family's mark, The Triforce. She also wore a crown. "Holy bananas!" exclaimed Link. "A hot, naked chick in my room!" He started drooling.

"I am _not_ naked!" she exclaimed angrily.

"You are in my mind," drooled Link.

"Shut up!" she tried to smack him, but her hand went right through him.

"What the...? How did you do that?" said Link in amazement.

"Listen, I have contacted you telepathically, I am not really here. I have contacted you because I need help! I am Princess Zelda of Hyrule. I have been kidnapped by Ganondorf. You have to rescue me! Talk to the old man in the cave, he will help you."

"Who is Ganondorf?"

"An evil warlock, prince of thieves, and so on, it really don't matter," she said dismissively, "just rescue me!"

"Okay, princess, I will go see the old man at once."

"Good! I am in your debt. Good luck on your quest, Link." With that, she disappeared in a flash of light.

"She was pretty," Link said to himself.

"I will rescue her, Link," said his uncle, who had watched the whole thing, and heard everything. Link's uncle was a heavyset man, with a trimmed beard framing his face. He was in the middle of his forty's, and seriously out of shape. Crimefully out of shape. He didn't really have a name, just "uncle" or "Link's uncle".

"What? But she asked me to rescue her!" said Link.

"I do not care. This is not a job for a child, this is a job for å real man! And the only real man in this house, is me. Bye!" Link's uncle opened a chest, and took out a sword and a shield. After that, he went out and slammed the door behind him.

"Well," said Link to himself, and you, the reader, "I have to go and save the princess! My uncle will never make it, so I will go and see the old man personally!" He thought about it for a while, and then he fell asleep.

It was two hours later. It had started raining outside. Link slept peacefully in his bed. There was a small sound breaking the silence, however. A small "ting"-sound. It came from the window. Ting, ting, ting. Then, the window broke, and in flew a little ball of light. it flew towards Link's bed, and hovered over his face. The white light of the little ball illuminated the gloom of the little house. "Link," said the ball. It was a female voice. "Link, wake up, damn you!"

Link's eyes opened. He stared. "What the...?" he said. "A fly?"

The ball took a leap, and bounced off Link's head. "I am a fairy, dimwit!" said the ball.

"Ouch! That hurt!"

"Suits you, for calling me a fly! Anyway, my name is Navi, I am here to guide you on your quest."

"Quest? What quest?"

"The quest to rescue Princess Zelda, you idiot! Don't say you've forgotten?"

"Oh, you mean the naked chick? I though that was just a dream."

"Well, it wasn't, so come with me, and I'll lead you to the old man."

"Wait! What about my uncle? He probably went straight for Ganondorf without seeing the old man first!"

"Well, that is his problem. We have to go see the old man. Come now." Navi flew out of the broken window.

Link arose from his bed, and went over to the only chest in the room. He opened it, and took out his dress and tights. "Ah, the old tunic and pants, no matter what any idiotic author says," said Link. He put them on, and reached into the chest again. This time, he took out his big floppy hat, and put it on. And then he took out a pair of boots and put them on. "Ready for action!" said Link. "Only one thing missing: Sword!" He looked into the chest again and found a lantern. Only this, and nothing more. "Aw, I forgot. Uncle took the sword and the shield. Well, well. 'If the goddesses give you wings, then fly.'," He quoted. "If the goddesses give you a sword, use it to chop things.' And," he put the lantern in his tunic, "if the goddesses give you a lantern, illuminate stuff! Make do with what you got and so on." Then he left the house, finding Navi waiting outside.

"Come on, let's go!" said Navi enthusiastically. She flew off into the pre-dawn, and Link followed.

Link was getting wet. The rain kept falling in a steady drizzle, and he had been following Navi for three hours now. The sun was probably on it's way up somewhere behind the clouds. Whenever he had asked the little fairy if they were there yet, she had just replied "soon". He was convinced she was lost. "Navi, where is the cave where the old man is supposed to live?"

"Here," she said. They stood before a small cave in the wall of a small mountain.

"Oh," said Link. "Okay then, let's go in and talk to the man!"

The inside of the cave looked like, well, a cave. A bonfire was burning in the middle of the cave, and an old man sat staring into the fire. "Welcome, Link," he said. "My name is Sahasrala, do not attempt to pronounce that if you do not want to strain your tounge."

"Uhm, hello," said Link. "I was told to come here for some reason?"

"Yes that is correct. Princess Zelda told you to come here." The old man stood up. He was short and wiry, a long beard reaching the floor. He looked around for a moment, and then he asked, "who are you?"

"Uhm, I am Link, remember?"

"Oh, right, right. Link. The hero on a quest and so forth. Here, I got something for you." The old man reached into the inner recesses of his red robe, and took out a sword. He gave it to Link.

"Yey, you got a sword, Link!" said Navi.

"Uhm..." Link looked at the sword. It was wooden. "It's wooden," he said.

"Yes, it's The Wooden sword of The Lost Woods!"

"Very... uhm, wooden. But what else do you have for me?"

"That was all I have for you, for now. Use that sword, kill a bunch of monsters to get some stones or medallions or something, and pull out The Master Sword. Oh, and I would go to Hyrule castle first. That is where Princess Zelda is currently being held captive, by Agahnim, Ganondorf's head wizard. If you hurry, you might save her before Agahnim sends her to his master."

"Okay." Link nodded. Then he looked at his sword. It was wooden. He looked at the old man, and looked at the sword again. It was still wooden. "Just one thing, though," he said.

"Yes?"

"This sword..."

"Yes?"

"It's wooden."

"Yes."

"But..."

"Yes?"

"It's wooden."

"Indeed."

"But..."

"Yes?"

"It's wooden!"

"Yes, so you mentioned."

"Yes. It's just that..."

"What?"

"It's wooden!"

"I know, now get out of here!" The old man ushered Link and Navi out of his cave, and shut the door.

"That cave had a door?" said Navi. "Strange. Now let's get to Hyrule castle!"

"Oh, yeah, that'll be sweet, that. I'll just fight the wizard with this wooden sword, this twig, and rescue the princess, shall I?"

"Yes. Now come."

Two hours later, they were at the edge of The Lost Woods, walking alongside it towards Hyrule castle. The rain had stopped, and the sun was now shining brightly. Birds sang their shrill songs from the trees above. Then, they became silent. Suddenly, a monster jumped out from the trees and roared. It looked like a human with the face of a dog. Link drew his sword and pointed it at the monster. "Stop right there, or I'll kill you on the spot."

The monster, a bit taken aback by the courage in such a young boy, stopped his roaring. Then he took a closer look at Link's sword, and laughed. "You will kill me with a wooden sword?"

"I will... try, at least."

"Very well, do your worst!" The monster grinned.

Link, fast as very slow lightning, hit the monster over the head with his sword, as hard as he could, several times. The sword broke in half. "There you go!" said Link to the monster. Then he turned to Navi. "I am doomed now, you are aware of that, right?"

"No, you are not, Link. Look!" She pointed at the monster. Link turned to look, and found the monster lying on the ground, out-cold. "Wow," said Link.

"Good work!"

"Thanks, but I haven't got a sword anymore. Ah well, no matter, I'll just pick up a stick!" He picked up a stick, and they were on their way again.

From a tree behind them, a dark shape had been watching. "I am quite impressed with this 'hero'," the shape said to itself. "Very impressed indeed." It sat there for a moment, watching the figures of Link and Navi growing smaller. "Hum. How did I get up here, I wonder?" It looked around for a way to climb down. There was no way to climb down. "Oh, very well then. Of course, now I remember: I can fly!" The shape jumped out from the branch it had been sitting on, flapped its arms a few times, and plummeted straight into the ground.

"Okay," the shape said. "I can't fly. Well, no matter. I am on the ground now." The shape smiled, and followed the traces of Link and Navi.


End file.
